It's a New Day!!!

Got period.

Called RE.

FSH tomorrow.

Start pill Sunday.

Stop pill March 23rd.

Onto IVF #3 (I hope because the last time I wrote IVF #3 it was converted to IUI).

Of course, I am excited and scared shitless all at once. I just love duality. I was alittle disappointed when AF arrived today. Well more like very disappointed. After all these years trying, I still hope for that miracle cycle when pregnancy occurs naturally. I don't obsess every twitch and twinge like I use to but, I still fantasize getting knocked up the old fashioned way - just Mr. G and me.

I have my fingers crossed that this cycle will be similar to the second one. I don't know if I could take another conversion. I somewhat reluctantly headed back to my acupuncturist. It was one of the things I did not do my last cycle. I am happy to see her again. She is such a doll. I just hate spending the money. I cut out the 30 minute massage so now I will pay $75.00 plus the herbs. One day this will all be a distant memory and I won't care about the silly details.

I head home tonight to sort through my big o'box of meds to see what I need. I only used the the big guns for the last cycle. Everything else is ready to go.

I remember when Thursdays meant Happy Hour with friends!!! Now, it's just me and my meds!!!

Vacation Over - Booooo!!!!

New Orleans was amazing!!! It was so great to be off from work with my husband hanging out and touring such a gem of a place. LOVED IT!!! Alot of the locals even thanked us for supporting their city. We stayed in the French Quarter on Bourbon Street. Ok - the street was a bit skanky at first but, it grew on me. We did all the traditional NOLA things - listened to live jazz, drank Hurricanes, toured two cemetaries, ate raw oysters, po' boys, muffuletas and beignets (of course not at the same time although I am sure that would be amazing), and took the trolley to Garden District and toured the beautiful homes. We ate dinner at five of the top restaurants in the city. We also had breakfast at Brenn.ans that included Bana.nas Fos.ter. We walked for hours practically everywhere. It really helped me to shake my bad mood. Note to self - get on the friggin' treadmill!!!

Anyway, the only thing that made me feel better about leaving such a great place was going home to my dog, Lil' G. I just love her so much. I truly feel that she has helped me get through this IF nightmare. It is important to have something to nurture. It could be a person, animal, garden - whatever. Just something to tend to and care for. We found her at a shelter nearly three years ago on Mother's Day. I had seen her picture on a website and just had to meet her. My husband was hesitant at first but, when he met her in person he was the first to say we'll take her.

Isn't she sweet -



I was so anxious to get home and pick her up at the dog sitter, B. Usually, when I see Lil'G whether I have been away for days or minutes, she goes nuts. Well, she was so so not happy to see me on Sunday!!! I think she prefers B and her family!!! I mean I can't blame her. B is a stay at home Mom with two boys, two dogs, and a cat. She was also watching three other dogs. Her children love my dog and spent the week taking 98 pictures of her. B. even let Lil'G sleep with one of her sons!!!

She called me the next day and told me her boys want to trade one of their dogs for my dog! Lil'G just seemed so sad to come back home. Mr. G and I have very little action at our house. We both work and their aren't any kids around. We each take Lil'G on a walk each day. And, I always dedicate time when I get home from work to just play with her. Usually she sits on my lap at the end of the night and we watch tv together. Nothing!!! It was such a sad homecoming!!!

But, of course, I'll get over it and Lil'G will come around. I am sure by the time I get home tonight she'll be doing her usual back flips!!! I hope!

And Sheeeeee's Off!!!

I am leaving tomorrow for New Orleans for the rest of the week. I am really looking forward to pretending to not be infertile for alittle while. I really want to brigde the small gap between Mr. G and me. All is well but, it is sometimes hard to stay close to my hubby when my brain is overwhelmed with thoughts about IF.

My desk at work is a mess and it is going to stay that way. This is so not like me. I usually kick into high gear a week or so before a trip to avoid any issues popping up for my boss or co-workers. I just can't concentrate the way I use to. I was stressed about this earlier this week and right now I don't care. I'll be back to handle whatever mess occurs. My desk could be perfect and my boss would still find a problem to bitch about. So...fuck it!!!!

Oh yeah...My Uterus...

The test went well last Thursday. My fibroid near my cervix is dying. Thankfully, it never was a problem anyway. It just likes to give me a ton of pain. The test wasn't horrible but, I had pelvic spasms for two days afterwards.

I have the all clear to start another fresh cycle with my next period. I told the doctor on his way out of the exam room that I better not fall through the cracks this cycle. He is great. I just think his head nurse is overwhelmed and could use some help. I learned in my last cycle that I need to manage my care and not leave it up to the professionals.

My co-worker, A, received a positive BETA on friday. It was her fifth cycle and long deserved. I was very happy for her and a bit sad for me. When I told my hubbie, he became more hopeful for us. He said if A could succeed after the hell she went through than we could too. I wish I could have his optimism! I keep telling him that as long as he remains positive, I have no choice but to be negative. You know, ying/yang, the balance of life.

My shoulders are tired of carrying the reality of our situation. But, I am working on being more positive. I really am. I tried to go back to acupuncture this weekend. It turns out my Dr. was away in China. Now I am going away this weekend for a week. As soon as I get back to NYC, I will start again. It will be just in time for my next cycle.

I seem to be running out of coping techniques. Thank god for this blogging community.

I've Been Tagged!!!

Lori at Weebles Wobblog and Melanie at The Baby Chase tagged me. It's my first time!!! I'm a virgin all over again.

Anyway, here are the rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Make sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

1. I was fearing the day I would be tagged for several reasons. A. I am not interesting. B. I had no idea how to link other peoples blogs within a post (thanks Mr. G for helping) turns out to be pretty easy. C. I don't know enough people to tag!!! Gulp...

2. I have a degree in Interior Design and work for a chic designer in NYC. I just can't seem to decorate my own house. I have lived here nearly four years and my walls and floors are bare. I painted my LR/DR walls four times before finally making the right choice. Paint ain't cheap!!!

3. I am a bit of a pack rat/hoarder. I love to hang onto things on the off chance I might need them one day. If I don't have a proper storage spot for something, I jam it into a drawer or closet. I cannot properly hang up coats in my front hall closet because of all the crap. Every room has more than one junk drawer but, I am not embarrassed by this. I love finding little treasures hidden all over the place.

4. I love to eat candies like M&M's and Skittles in color groups. I sort through the bag first and eat the majority first.

5. I cannot cook. I don't even have one signature dish like pasta. If dinner is left up to me, I order in or serve cereal. I love breakfast at dinner time!!! Thankfully, Mr. G is an amazing cook and hasn't grown tired of the daily chore. He even does all the grocery shopping. The only shopping left up to me is the paper goods and cleaning supplies. He has no interest in housekeeping. But, hey no one is perfect.

6. Only a handful of people know this about me, and not necessarily my closest family or friends - I love the soap opera General Hospital. I having been watching it since my pre-teens years and make sure I record it daily to watch at night. Cheesy I know. Sometimes, I even can't stand myself and tune out but, I always go back and find that I haven't missed very much.

So, I hope you gals don't mind me tagging you - Freyjia at We Are What We Repeatedly Do, Swim at The Long Challenging Road, and Cindy Nguyen at Baby in the Making (we Hope)!

Test Day Tomorrow!!!

I have my something something sonogram tomorrow. I have such a hard time remembering the name and how to pronounce it. Yes, Baby Chaser, the kind that requires a saline filled balloon up the hoo-hoo. Good times! It's great to know another woman will be subjected to the same torturous procedure at almost the same time as me.

So, here's to all the Stirrup Queens tomorrow with their legs in the air!!!
We should all queefed at the same time!!!

I am taking the day off to get myself all pretty!!! Wink wink!!!

New Orleans, Here I Come!!!

Only 12 more days to go till I leave for NO. I am really excited about this trip. I haven't been away since August 2006. Yes, that's correct 2006. In 2007, Mr. G and I went on a few weekend trips but, our big vacation was canceled since I had a miscarriage on day one. Thankfully, I was still in NY when it happenend.

I certainly have issues with putting my life on hold while dealing with treatments. I should have found a new job, gone on more vacations, purchased more clothes, fixed the house, gone out with friends more, gone out with family more - yadda yadda yadda. You know the deal. We all do this at some point during our IF. I am hoping this vacation will jump start a new attitude.

I have been feeling very grumpy lately all related to IF. I haven't been posting because not a thing is going on in my life right now. My therapist said I need a hobby or two to keep me busy. I just can't figure out what to do. I tried taking a knitting class but, it was canceled. I dusted off the treadmill and haven't looked at it since. Work is insanely busy but, offers no challenges. Par-umpf!!! That's why I desperately need this trip. It will help keep me afloat! Cause baby I am drowning!!!

A dear friend of mine, E, had a stillbirth a few weeks before my miscarriage. It was devastating. She lost twins at 21.5 weeks. Six weeks after, E found out she required a D&C. During the procedure her uterus was preforated. All was ok so E moved onto a FET in December which failed. Her doctor thought she had scar tissue from the D&C. So, she underwent surgery to remove it all. This got me worried about my own D&C. I don't want to do my last insured fresh cycle only to find out scar tissue prevented implantation. So, this week I am off to RE to do a hysterosonogram (HSN).

I had two before so I know what to expect. I am just keeping my fingers crossed that nothing will be found. I know I have two fibroids that did not pose a problem previously. I just hope they have grown into the size of grapefruits. My hope is that all is well and I can move onto IVF #3 in March.

Oh the joy!!!! I can't wait to down a few Hurricanes!!!!!