Monday, September 29, 2008

High and Lows

Summer started terribly with my second miscarriage over Memorial Day weekend. Mr. G and I then headed up to VT to spend July 4th with my sister K and her family. We all get along fabulously despite a huge age difference between us and her hubbie. Oh...and he is alot wealthier than us too. Our chemistry works and we all had a really nice long weekend together. My sister's kids are really cool.

On the job front, I was finally able to stop obsessing over personal problems and get some work done. I had been busy with a project for the past year and a half and it was finally coming to an end. One of my teammates was a new guy that had been really f'ing up the entire time. It was very stressful. Really awful actually. However, the job ended beautifully and the clients were as happy as can be.

Later in July, Mr. G and I headed up to Lake George, NY for our friends G&A's wedding. They had asked Mr. G to become a non-denominational minister to perform the ceremony. G&A rented a stunning Victorian house on the lake that slept 25 and a boat for us to sail around. Their hope was that we would all spend the week with them. Unfortunately, I had to leave about three hours after the wedding to catch a train in Albany to be at work to complete the project mentioned above. There were still drunk ass guests sitting on the porch at 3am when I left. I was so jealous. I just wanted to stay with Mr. G and our friends and enjoy the good time. It wasn't fair but, I have a responsibility to my job. This damn friggin' job that I thought I would have left by now to raise my child. Anyway, it was great to be away at an event were children were not the center of attention. Our few friends with kids were so happy to be away that none of them wanted to talk about their lives. Mr. G and I felt normal. It was sooo pleasant.

In the meantime, my co-worker A who was pregnant after 5+ years of infertility gave birth at 24 weeks. She suffered placenta abruption and required an emergency c-section. Little D weighed less than a pound but, was a fighter. Every day, and every week was a milestone. At first, her parents were so distraught not knowing how to care for such a little girl in such distress. I remember the day it finally hit A that she was a mom and was going to do whatever she needed to do to make sure her daughter had a great life. Two days later, after four weeks on this earth, little D passed away. My co-worker and her husband were and still are devastated. Each day is a struggle. I cried so hard when I heard the news. I just wanted A to be finally happy. Now she has to deal with an even more devastating loss than IF. I remember two times during her pregnancy when I felt that jealousy burning in me by seeing her. Both times I had to remind myself that she deserved to be happily pregnant. I always supported her throughout and have since. She had a memorial service at her church and Mr. G insisted he go with me. It is just so heartbreaking.

Mr. G and I finally made it to our Alaskan cruise. The land and wildlife are breathtaking. I made sure I enjoyed every single moment. At one point, while hanging off the back of a catamaran after seeing about 15 humpback whales in the water around Juneau I realized how lucky I was. I may not have a child yet but, I will one way or the other. I have a great husband and together we can afford these amazing adventures. IF can really tear apart every aspect of your life. At some point, you go through a phase were you can't find happiness anywhere. You are miserable at home so you go to work and find that you are no longer satisfied there either. You lose touch with family and friends because they don't get you anymore. IF is so debilitating. This trip was exactly what I needed. Here are some photo's.

The last photo is a humpback whale feeding on something near the surface of water.