Sunday, June 08, 2008

This and That

Phew...it has been a long time because honestly, I have had nothing to say. To anyone. I have just been internalizing all that has happened to me. The miscarriage is over and I managed the pain well. Self-protection is the phrase of the day!!!

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One of my co-workers has resigned to pursue fertility treatments. I am slightly envious. I have wished many times over the past year to be able to stop work and stay in bed all day. Especially, the weeks after a loss. But, I have to say that there were just as many times that I couldn't be home alone and going to work was a godsend.

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DH and I booked a cruise to Alaska for August. Originally, we wanted to go to Paris. I have been there already and just couldn't see spending a ton of money on a place I have been to. Maybe next year when the economy is better. Neither of us have been to Alaska and we can't wait. DH has wanted to go since he was little and has already book our excursions. We will be cruising the glaciers and whale watching. We are both wrecked emotionally and need a major break.

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I just read An Empty Lap by Jill Smolowe. She is a journalist that adopted a daughter from China after infertility in the late 90's. I loved it and finished it in nearly a day. She was very honest about her depression and marital problems. Her husband was a very reluctant spouse. Ms. Smolowe's writing style was similar to Peggy Orenstein in Waiting for Daisy.

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We had our follow up visit with the RE. This miscarriage was also chromosomal - Trisomy 4. He knows of no live birth with this abnormality. We discussed our next step which is FET. The RE also mentioned...wait for it...

donor egg!

Gasp...gasp...sigh...sigh.

I will post more details later!

10 comments:

Ms. J said...

I am glad you posted . . . I have been thinking about you lots, and keeping you in my daily thoughts.

The cruise sounds divine. Everyone I have ever known who has gone on an Alaskian cruise has been thrilled with the experience.

I know what you mean about work . . . many days I would have given anything to stay in bed or just escape entirely . . . and on others I knew that if I didn't HAVE to go to work I might have come even dangerously closer to the edge of the cliff (if you know what I mean).

I have not read that book but have read "Daughter from Afar" and "The Weaver's Craft." The first is specifically about adopting from China, and the second about toddler adoption (including international). BOTH are good. The second one was a bit tougher, because it's brutally honest about the challenges involved in toddler adoption. But it helped me to "let go," if you will, the dream of experiencing an infant . . . and instead embrace the instant experience of a full-fledged toddler.

I am truly glad you checked in. Miss ya.

Kami said...

Have a nice cruise!

Sorry about the DE discussion. It sucks.

Babe* said...

There are no words to comfort you in a time like this. Just know you are not alone.

DE speeches suck. I'm so sorry you had to hear that.

(((HUGS)))

the Babychaser: said...

I was wondering if you were ever coming back! I know what it's like to just not want to blog though, especially after a loss.

Don't envy the lady who quit to pursue ART too much. I don't know about you, but I would be LOST without my job. It's the only thing I'm actually doing WELL at right now. Can you imagine if your WHOLE LIFE was IVF? Doesn't it already feel like that?

An Alaskan cruise is a big fantasy of mine. Mountains, glaciers, the Milky Way, Northern Lights. Sigh. I'm jealous.

Ms. J said...

Still thinking about you . . . wondering how you are doing.

No need to post to satisfy your adoring fans . . . just wanted you to know that luv is being sent your way, honey.

TABI said...

The Alaskan cruise sounds wonderful. You deserve a good break. I think donor egg is always something they throw out there to get us all ready just in case. I was told that too because of my ectopics but not ready to turn to DE. I hope to hear more about your next steps!!

JuliaS said...

Been thinking of you and wondering how you are getting on.

Wishing you well - understand the need to just heal.

Ms. J said...

No magic words on my end. Just wanted you to know I am still thinking about you. And keeping a peaceful thought for you and your husband.

No need for you to reply or post (seriously). I just wanted to reach out and touch ya via the blog-world.

HUGS.

Ms. J said...

I am behind on posting, but you've been in my thoughts nonetheless.

Rela Pantaleon-Manigsaca said...

Hi, I'm checking out my fellow 35+ IF'ers in Mel's (Stirrup) list and found you.

Hope you had a great cruise!