Wednesday, November 28, 2007

But Here's the Good Part...

I was able to spend two days with my favorite aunt who has cancer. She is my second mother. I am praying that she will be around for several more years but, she has a rare melenoma and is on her third tumor. My mom is ten years older than she and has been starting the show her age. She is extremely forgetful and has horrible arthritis. My mom hasn't been able to help me through this life crisis. But, my mom has never dealt well with hard issues. Her way of dealing is to pretend it isn't happening and hopefully it will just resolve itself. My aunt on the other hand heads straight into the fire. Consequently, people think my mother is the lovely one and my aunt the crazy one. My aunt has been the only family member that's gets me. Her crisis is different but, it illicits the same emotional response and requires the same coping techniques. She always asks me how I am and what's my next step. The day she found out about her third tumor was the day I miscarried. She was more concerned about me than herself. And, I was more concerned about her. That's what families do for each other. Or, that's what they are suppose to do for each other. I realize though that I can't expect people to handle more than they are capable of handling. Looking back over my life, I probably often ignored other peoples pain because I didn't get it for whatever reason. I am certainly a more compassionate person because of IF. Although, I wonder if I really needed to learn this lesson this way.


Yodasmistress said...

I am 1000% more compassionate b/c of IF though I too wish I could have learned in an "easier" way... of course if it was "easier" I probably wouldn't have learned b/c I'm stubborn as all get out.

P.S. Please check out this website for cancer treatments. They do something crazy and amazing - they put the cancer in a petri dish, culture it and then test various different drugs against it to see what it responds to. Novel idea eh? His work is NOT experimental, it IS covered at 80% by most health insurance plans and for those who can not afford to pay he DOES do pro bono treatments. Further, if he finds nothing to treat the cancer with, he tells the patient that - instead of dosing them with life-sucking-chemo that is ineffective. Good luck to your aunt!

Swim said...

Our mother's sound very similar. Mine doesn't cope well at all. I only recently told my mother about my IF struggles and she really didn't know what to say. She is getting better and has asked some questions in the last week.

I agree with yodamistress that goign through all of these horrible IF challenges makes us more compassionate.

Lori said...

The part of your post comparing your mom and your aunt reminds me of something my Teacher said: "A heart that's been broken open can hold more joy."

It IS too bad some of need to learn through such a trial.

My best to your aunt. And a hug to you.