Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Not So Thankful Thanksgiving!!!

I had good times and bad times this holiday. By the end of Thanksgiving day, I figured out that the majority of my whole family knows I had a miscarriage. Of course, I told my immediate family and then some when it happened. I knew the news would travel by word of mouth. Do you think anyone would take the time to acknowledge my loss???? I am talking about aunts, uncles and cousins!!!! People who have known me all my life and see often. Do you think one of them could have said something kind to me??? It bothers me so much that people have such a difficult time acknowledging loss and suffering. Isn't that what life is about? We all experience it. Unfortunately, some more than others but, it all evens out in the end. For the brief period I was pregnant my telephone would not stop ringing. Everyone on both sides wanted to know how I was doing. They never called when I was infertile and they haven't called since my loss. I am feeling so angry and bitter. And, I am afraid that those feelings will not go away. I just can't control my emotions now. Of course, it has alot to do with my jealousy over my evil SIL's second birth. I have been avoiding lots of family dinners with my IL's because of all the babies. This year, Mr. G and I are to celebrate Xmas with them. I am praying that evil SIL is scheduled to be with her family this year. I can deal with my other SIL and her children. She experienced IF, IVF and miscarriage so she gets me. So far, I have been doing what I need to do for me but, it is creating tension in Mr. G's family. At Xmas, I expect to be in my TWW. That's a crazy time normally now add the baby tension. I keep expecting to awaken from this nightmare but, it is going on and on and on...

1 comments:

Yodasmistress said...

You know how I feel about the whole IF = Elephant in the Room thing. Add the Dead Baby Factor and you've got people literally sticking their heads in the sand to avoid talking about it. If you ask me it's shameful for them to avoid the topic because it makes them uncomfortable. SHAMEFUL!!!