Monday, April 07, 2008

Not Fully Cooked!!!

Went to RE on Saturday and he said I wasn't ready yet. This will be the longest I have gone before trigger. I went for more tests today so I should know this afternoon. We have at least eight follies growing at a steady rate.

I was feeling great until 5PM yesterday.

Short Version: Fertile women suck!!!

Long Version: I have been friends with A for over 15 years. She was in my wedding party. We were great friends up until then. I got married a few weeks after A's niece. At the time, A wasn't dating anyone and was in dire financial straits. That's what happens when you don't want to work and love to wear designer clothes. Everytime we hung out she would be wearing a new pair of Manolos. I always asked her how she managed and she told she had plenty of money in the bank.

Anyway, in the months leading up to my wedding she confessed she had spent all her money and had no more room on her credit cards. She wasn't very pleasant during my bridal shower. We did have a minor heart to heart before my big day and she apologized. She confessed to being jealous that I was getting married.

After the wedding, we started hanging out less and less. She was still single and wanted to go clubbing all the time. I just wanted to go home to be with Mr.G. We had started TTC right away and within months I knew we had a problem. I definately stopped hanging out with most of my friends at this point.

After IVF #1 failed, I told A how depressed I was feeling. She told me to be thankful I had a great husband. Ummm...what does that have to do with my failed cycle. During my IVF #2, I told her how anxious I was about the cycle. She asked me if I was "obsessing" too much. I asked her if I had cancer would she make the same comment. At that point, I was done with her.

In September, she called me to tell me her sister was getting a divorce after struggling with IF for many years. I told her I miscarried a few weeks prior and she seemed genuinely upset for me. Of course, I wasn't anxious to call her anytime soon after that. We would randomly exchange short emails her and there. Once she phoned and I did not take her call.

A few weeks ago, she emailed me that she really wanted to talk to me. It took until yesterday to finally make the connection. I truly regret talking to her.

She is 33 weeks pregnant!!!!!!!!

She got pregnant right after I miscarried. I had to ask her who the father was since she still isn't officially with anyone. It is with a guy she has been seeing off and on over the years. Mostly off. The guy asked her to terminate the pregnancy and she said no. I don't blame her since she just turned 40. She figured this was her only chance to get pregnant. It turns out, she misled the guy into thinking she couldn't get pregnant. Now, the guy is older than her and certainly is at fault too. He stopped talking to her for many months. She planned on taking care of everyting herself until a few weeks ago when she figured out a baby is expensive. She wants him to contribute financially and they are now seeing a mediator to work out a plan. Her family is freaking out. 7 out of 9 siblings have stopped talking to her.

This guy has treated her terribly over the years. I feel badly that she is all alone but, she got exactly what she wanted. And, I am so pissed!!!! Here I am doing everything right and I can't have a baby. She can barely take care of herself and now has been given the gift of life. THIS FRIGGIN' BLOWS.

I couldn't sleep because there was a knot in my chest all night. I am so angry and bitter right now!!!! Every cycle, I have to deal with pregnancy annoucements and births. I can't get a break. I told my friend A that I was very happy for her but, very angry that she would wait so long to tell me. I just don't have any kind words for her right now. Fertiles suck!!!

And to top it off, my husband slept soundly next to me and woke up singing this morning!!!

So I have to ask, where is the fairness in this world???!!!


Lori said...

I think the seeming injustice was one of the hardest things to deal with.

I am sorry about your crappy phone call.

Hope you have good news from your RE.

JuliaS said...


I'm sorry - that really bites. Some people really have no clue.

Sending you good wishes for your "late bloomers" and hope when everything's done - those 8 follies are nice, ripe and juicy!

Kami said...

This is the second post I have read like this in the last 5 minutes - where someone who seems SO undeserving and so incapable of being a parent is pregnant.

I am really sorry you ever even found out about it. It is not fair.

the Babychaser: said...

God, that really sucks. Sounds to me like's she's reconnected because she's desperate for someone to cling to. Be careful or she'll bleed you dry.

Old friends really can hurt you, can't they.

Just remember you're slow-cooking some kick-ass follicles, and YOU will be a great mommy!

Ms. J said...

I think just about everyone of us who reads your entry has had some version of this happen at THEE WORST time in our lives, and the insensitivity, as well as sheer unfairness of it all, is shocking.

My two cents? DO NOT TALK TO THIS PSYCHO HOSE-BEAST AGAIN. Seriously. Cut this dead weight, forever. Delete her phone number & email.

You owe her nothing. You owe yourself everything.

Deathstar said...

Dear Working Girl:

O.M.G. That truly does blow. The reason she waited to so long is because she is so desperate, she's burned a lot of bridges I'm sure. She finally got the one thing she never had - someone who will love her and be with her forever. She is not be be envied but to be pitied. Be very very careful here. I hate to say this but I think Ms. J. is right on here. Take care of yourself, you have a bigger priority in front of you. Keep your eyes on the prize, girl.

Evil Stepmonster said...

I found you through cyclesista and just wanted to send you good wishes for this cycle.

As for you friend.. yeah its the injustice of it all that kills. I'm sorry.

Swim said...

Ugh. That really sucks. I am searching for fairness.

We will find it with this cycle hopefully.

How are your follies doing?

Freyja said...

Isn't there something back-ass-wards about the fact that you have to have a license to drive a car but anyone can have a baby?