Not Fully Cooked!!!

Went to RE on Saturday and he said I wasn't ready yet. This will be the longest I have gone before trigger. I went for more tests today so I should know this afternoon. We have at least eight follies growing at a steady rate.

I was feeling great until 5PM yesterday.

Short Version: Fertile women suck!!!

Long Version: I have been friends with A for over 15 years. She was in my wedding party. We were great friends up until then. I got married a few weeks after A's niece. At the time, A wasn't dating anyone and was in dire financial straits. That's what happens when you don't want to work and love to wear designer clothes. Everytime we hung out she would be wearing a new pair of Manolos. I always asked her how she managed and she told she had plenty of money in the bank.

Anyway, in the months leading up to my wedding she confessed she had spent all her money and had no more room on her credit cards. She wasn't very pleasant during my bridal shower. We did have a minor heart to heart before my big day and she apologized. She confessed to being jealous that I was getting married.

After the wedding, we started hanging out less and less. She was still single and wanted to go clubbing all the time. I just wanted to go home to be with Mr.G. We had started TTC right away and within months I knew we had a problem. I definately stopped hanging out with most of my friends at this point.

After IVF #1 failed, I told A how depressed I was feeling. She told me to be thankful I had a great husband. Ummm...what does that have to do with my failed cycle. During my IVF #2, I told her how anxious I was about the cycle. She asked me if I was "obsessing" too much. I asked her if I had cancer would she make the same comment. At that point, I was done with her.

In September, she called me to tell me her sister was getting a divorce after struggling with IF for many years. I told her I miscarried a few weeks prior and she seemed genuinely upset for me. Of course, I wasn't anxious to call her anytime soon after that. We would randomly exchange short emails her and there. Once she phoned and I did not take her call.

A few weeks ago, she emailed me that she really wanted to talk to me. It took until yesterday to finally make the connection. I truly regret talking to her.

She is 33 weeks pregnant!!!!!!!!

She got pregnant right after I miscarried. I had to ask her who the father was since she still isn't officially with anyone. It is with a guy she has been seeing off and on over the years. Mostly off. The guy asked her to terminate the pregnancy and she said no. I don't blame her since she just turned 40. She figured this was her only chance to get pregnant. It turns out, she misled the guy into thinking she couldn't get pregnant. Now, the guy is older than her and certainly is at fault too. He stopped talking to her for many months. She planned on taking care of everyting herself until a few weeks ago when she figured out a baby is expensive. She wants him to contribute financially and they are now seeing a mediator to work out a plan. Her family is freaking out. 7 out of 9 siblings have stopped talking to her.

This guy has treated her terribly over the years. I feel badly that she is all alone but, she got exactly what she wanted. And, I am so pissed!!!! Here I am doing everything right and I can't have a baby. She can barely take care of herself and now has been given the gift of life. THIS FRIGGIN' BLOWS.

I couldn't sleep because there was a knot in my chest all night. I am so angry and bitter right now!!!! Every cycle, I have to deal with pregnancy annoucements and births. I can't get a break. I told my friend A that I was very happy for her but, very angry that she would wait so long to tell me. I just don't have any kind words for her right now. Fertiles suck!!!

And to top it off, my husband slept soundly next to me and woke up singing this morning!!!

So I have to ask, where is the fairness in this world???!!!